Why I couldn't Go With You!
by BlueViking77
Summary: A follow up fic to episode 2x16, or 38 in general terms. General knowledge: Sully picks up his mail at a designated ‘mail pick up place’ on his trip and finds a letter from Brennan. Title should explain everything but more inside. Oneshot.


**A/N:** This fic is a plot bunny, that I got evicted from my head, when I got this one written out. Everything may be a bit jumbled, but to get everything out I had to write as things came along. That and I needed a break from my other Bones fic "Her Biggest Secret" for a while. It is not Betaed so eventual mistakes, are purely mine and so I apologize if so.

**General knowledge regarding this fic:** Sully picks up his mail at a designated 'mail pick up place' on his trip and finds a letter from Brennan. This fic is that letter, in where she explains why she could go with him. As the title says.

**Timeline:** Some time after "The Boneless Bride in the River" of course.

**Disclaimers:** Everyone you recognize in this fix, belongs to the ones who owns Bones in every way. Darn that…

So go ahead and read….

**BONES **

Sully,

You wanted to know why I couldn't go away with you for a year. There is a lot of reasons and because I can't seem to vocalize them out loud, I thought I would do what I do best, namely write them down in this letter.

Some of it may be a bit harsh spoken, but that is who I am. Yes it is Sully, since I'm not at all who you think I am. You made me out to be this person, or tried to make me into a person, one that I've never really wanted to be.

You don't know the first thing about me, about who I really am deep inside and from what background I comes from. My background is not that pleasant to say the least. I had loving parents until the age of 15, until they suddenly disappeared on Christmas day of 1991, leaving not only me behind, but also my 19 year old brother Russ. Short story of it all is, that since Russ was unable to raise me, I had ended up in the foster care system by the end of that Christmas and I found myself abandoned by my brother too, since he took off never to be seen since. I have never really recovered from that loss. I have never wanted to feel that sense of loss again.

So when you told me that you loved me, I panicked and said noting. I'm sorry to say, that I could only care about you, never love you, since it had only been a month of dating. If you really knew me, I have never ever told any man I've been dating, that I loved him. I doubt that I'll ever be able to say those three words, because the ones I loved disappeared years ago.

Yes those were my parents and my older brother.

I don't want to tell you what happened to my parents or who or what they really were. It is not something I tell people, since most people wouldn't believe me. Let's just say that they had to flee one state, for another one to hide, when I was only two and had another name.

Yes I'm not really Temperance Brennan.

That was a name given to me by my parents, when I was two those two years old. This is the information about my past, that I can share with you, because if I told you the name I was given by birth, you could easily look me up, or at least look my parents up, since you would know that last name. That is confidential information and only few people in my life, really knows about my background, about whom and what my parents were and what my name given to me at birth really is. All I can give out of information is, that my parents weren't the most law-abiding people on this earth. I never knew about that until very recently and that was why they had to flee to keep my brother and me safe.

Booth is the only person who knows the whole truth, about who and what my parents were. Now do not get angry Sully, or disappointed, since there is every reasons behind that: Because not ten months ago, I was the one to identify my mother's remains, as they had been brought to the Jeffersonian in 1998, the year that also I arrived there and had been in what we call The Limbo. She had been killed in 1993; only two years after my parents left us. Booth was the only one I had trusted even longer before that happened, when I had handed him their file and he did a little investigating off the side. He was the one who held me, after confronting the man, who killed my mother, to reassure when I started to seriously doubt who I was. He was the one who reassured me, that I was able to suppress what genes I had inherited from my parents. Namely the genes of career criminals, that my brother couldn't suppress, since he have had troubles with the law. Booth told me that if they weren't suppressed, I wouldn't be his partner and helping to solve crimes. I learned that about Russ as we were reunited under the investigation of my mother's case, after not having seen him for 15 years.

Whether you want to know it or not, Booth is the only person to know who I really am deep inside. He is the only one I have ever known, who can look into my eyes and just by that one look, tell just what mood I'm in. He is very intuitive, as you may know. Not even Angela, the ever intuitive one, knows me the way Booth does and I will never ever want any other people to know me, the way he knows me. He is the only one I will ever trust with who I am inside and who I want to become in the future.

You tried to get me away from what I love the most in my life:

My life at Jeffersonian and that of being the devoted forensic anthropologist I am.

You tried to get me away from the people I care most about:

Booth, Angela, Jack and Zach. Those people are my only family, since Russ once again abandoned me, with my dad who showed up for just a fraction of a moment. So now Angela is my sister and then there is the guys, who are like my brothers.

You tried to get me away from Booth:

That man constitutes something entirely different to me. He is my best friend; in fact I have never had a friendship like I have with him. Ever since we formed our close friendship, I've always promised myself to never to let anything pull me away from him and yet I almost let myself get pulled away from him. By someone I had only known for a month, that is you; whereas I have known Booth close to two years. He is the one who have been with me through the hard times of my life, ever since he came into my life. I have always been lonely, even before he came into my life and even though I had Angela. But when he came into it he made me feel not that lonely, in some strange way I have never been able to rationalize.

Booth is the only one of all the people in my life, who understands how events in your entire life, can have an impact on everything you do as an adult, even more if you have gone through a lot of things, even if you are an adult.

I'm not trying to sound patronizing right now and I am really trying to be sensitive, not something I am very accustomed with, but you have only tried to have a troubled life for one year, not in 16 years as I have. You have only had to deal with loss for one single year, whereas I had to deal with it for 15 and had to experience it all over again, as Russ and my dad disappeared out of my life, once again. You still have an entire biological family, with a mother, a father and siblings you can get support from. I only have Booth since he is the only one who understands everything. He is the only one I've cried in front of ever since I lost my parents. I never cried in front of Russ the day we realized that my parents wouldn't come back, not even as he got into his car and drove away. In short I closed down and started to build a wall around me, so strong that no one has been able to penetrate it.

That was until Booth came into my life and we made a promise to each other. It was an agreement of sorts if you will. I will help him with something and he would in turn, help me with something. I can't tell you what those _something's_ are, but I can tell you that we have yet to fulfill these promises to one another and I am not about to back out. Booth has taught me more then anyone else that keeping a promise is a valuable thing, a precious thing and I was about to break my promise, my end of our deal if you can put it that way. I know without asking questions, that he will follow me into whatever I ask him to and he knows that I will follow him into whatever he need help with. I know that you will never understand why I have such a commitment to him, why I will sacrifice everything I've ever worked hard to accomplish only for him. I don't want to explain myself here because that simply is how it is.

It's nothing more, nothing less:

He just has to say a single word, sometimes he don't has to say nothing and I will drop everything I am doing to go to him. That is something that I could never do for you

The morning you left Booth came to the pier. He stood quietly in the background as I waved goodbye to you. As I have already stated he knows my every emotion, meaning that he knows exactly how I react to everything I go through, so he came there to cheer me up and to take me to breakfast, even though I told him that I wasn't hungry. He wouldn't have any of that, so he dragged me to the Royal Diner and almost force-fed me my breakfast, just as I had expected of him.

You may think that it was cruel of him force-feeding me, now that I said that I wasn't hungry at all. But he knows that when I'm down, I tend to refuse to eat and that I really am hungry. That was something you never did, when I said that I wasn't hungry and that shows just how little you really know me.

That was one other thing you kept me away from:

Having breakfast with Booth every morning. Before Booth came into my life, I rarely ate breakfast. The only thing I mostly got in the mornings was a few too many cups of coffee. I rarely had any lunch and if I ever had lunch was when Angela would accomplish to drag me out to get some. She wasn't that successful and it was only when Booth came, that I started to eat a regular breakfast, because he was fiercely determined to get me to eat.

I'm running out of things to write here, so that will be the end of this letter.

I can only say that I am where I most of all want to be:

I want to be at the Jeffersonian and I want to be in my surrogate family. But most of everything, I want to be in the partnership and friendship I have with Booth.

I don't want to be out on the open sea, where I can't make a difference, can't catch criminals, killers, child molesters etc…

And I make a difference when I am with Booth, right by his side, doing a thing that he and I love:

Make the world safer for every innocent individual on this planet.

And that was why I couldn't go with you.

Temperance Brennan.

P.S.: Maybe we will see each other in a year, or so, but don't expect me to want to get back together with you. That will never happened.

THE END!

**BONES**

**What do you think of this one? I really hope that you liked it, since I had a lot of trouble writing it.**


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